I'm 32 years old. Beginning of 2016 I hit my top weight ever (even higher, if I recall correctly, than my top weight when I was pregnant with my son). On January 4, 2016 I stepped on the scale to see it read 172.6. Embarrassment completely overtook me. I had been struggling for years, mainly because of a prescription that "assisted" in me packing on the pounds. Once the pounds were there it was nearly impossible to get them off. I felt hopeless, I hadn't done this to myself, why wasn't there an "easy" way to get it off. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! -- It was that exact line of thinking that, I now know, let it get too far. Instead of acknowledging the fact I hadn't been responsible for putting it on and accepting that it was my responsibility for getting it off was the first step.
Growing up I was very active. My parents started me in ballet classes when I was around 5. After my first recital they learned ballet was NOT for me. I spent the whole time at my instructor's heels and did nothing. Then they put me in Gymnastics. I THRIVED there! I was only in the beginner levels for a year (maybe 2) before moving up to competition levels. Gymnastics consumed most of my life until right before my 12th birthday when I "retired." Those were some of my best memories. My time as a gymnast were amazing. I had hoped to reach higher levels but I was proud of my accomplishments. I even started coaching a few years later and coached a few years once moving to Utah.
In Middle School my Dad was the Cross Country coach (he had also been my coach my final years in gymnastics). Because he was the coach I felt a little obligated to join the team. I enjoyed it at the time. My years in gymnastic had made me powerful sprinter. As such, I was assigned the team "rabbit." At the beginning of every race I would SPRINT out in front of the pack, making the other teams think that was my "normal" speed and pushing them to pick up the pace and hopefully tire out faster. My teammates knew what I was doing so they wouldn't "rabbit" with me, they'd overtake the other teams later. After my initial sprints out, I would drop back in the pack and typically come in not last place but pretty close. Running was never my favorite thing. I even did a few 5K races around town, once suffering from HORRIBLE sun stroke! After Middle School I pretty much left running behind. I had suffered from pretty bad shin splints and I never really recovered from them (even to this day running is pretty painful for me).
I tried track in Middle School as well. Focusing on sprints which was my forte. I didn't have time to practice because I was also in the Drama Club and was playing "Willy Wonka" in our production of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." The first (and last) race I did I bolted out of the blocks and tore a muscle in my stomach! I decided I couldn't focus enough on training and dropped out.
High School though I was coaching gymnastics and not really participating in any sports, I was in the Marching Band and that sure kept me active. Lots of long days outside moving and moving. Marching and marching. That was my sport.
Moving to Utah in 2013 I started a new life. I might have gone for a run once or twice, and I started coaching gymnastics on Saturdays...but I really was not active at all. I have been blessed with a good metabolism and as long as my pants fit I didn't much watch what I ate or paid any attention to fitness.
In 2006 I became pregnant with my son, J.J. He was born in March of 2007. I was pretty lazy during my pregnancy. I ate whatever I wanted (I was pregnant, that was allowed, right?) and didn't do any sort of fitness. The most "fitness" I got was walking from my office to the front desk at work a several times a day. When I got home, I sat down on the couch until it was time for bed.
After my son was born I still didn't do much. I wore my maternity pants for at least 9 months after giving birth! How embarrassing was that! As a new Mom I didn't know WHAT to do to get the weight off and I was still trying to figure out this new life. Eventually I started joining a walking group with some neighbors. A few times a week we would walk (with our kids in the strollers) a few miles. We'd really get our heart rates up but, nothing, didn't loose a pound. It was good to keep moving. I thought that and chasing after my son would surely be enough. Nope.
Sometime in early 2009 I had decided to finally do something. I started running on the treadmill every morning. That was, until I found out I was pregnant again. This time around, I was sick. I was so sick I couldn't keep anything down. I spent a weekend at my parents house, unable to take care of my son. Then devastation hit, I had lost my baby. How could I possibly return to working out? I had just lost my child. I had to pull myself together to continue being a good Mom to the child I did have, and I had the most un-supportive husband. He was not understanding, not supportive, not kind, not helpful...it was not good. My emotional state was not at it's finest. BUT I had to be a Mom and that is what I focused on, not myself.
My marriage finally crumbled at the end of that year. My son and I moved into my parents home and I began looking for a job. I found a job relatively quickly and began the 40 minute commute from Tooele into Salt Lake every morning with my child. Then evening evening the same commute after putting in a full day at work. After about a month we finally moved into our own place in Salt Lake. A 10 minute commute to work. Finding a new "normal" was difficult.
Fortunately, my new "normal" did including trying to get in workouts. I wasn't always consistent. Sometimes I would drag my butt out of bed early to workout. Sometimes I would put J.J. in the bath and do a workout. Sometime I would wait until he went to bed to do a workout. Sometimes...I wouldn't do any of those and would skip a workout all together. I was on my own, nobody to be accountable to, just me and my workout videos. Nobody even knew if I hadn't worked out. One excuse came up, and then another. I had managed to loose most of my baby weight (mostly from not eating well and stress...divorce will do that to you) and I figured that was all I needed. Throughout the next 2 years or so I'd occasionally decide to go for a run or bike ride, but nothing consistent.
In May 2013 I moved back to Tooele. It was a small apartment but life was finally normal. I had no interest in working out, no time to work out, and no space to workout even if I wanted to. Eventually I tried to get in some workouts and they just never stuck. This is when I started putting on quite a bit of weight because of medications. The pounds came on so slowly I didn't realize they were there until it had gotten out of control. I had tried working out the best I could but wasn't seeing any results. Why continue something that wasn't giving me any result? This is the pattern that continued to follow....until 2016.
When I had stepped on that scale and saw the number above 170 I decided, that's it, it's time! This time it was different, I had SUPPORT, and lots of it! I had at least 3 neighbors who were Beachbody Coaches who indulged my whining and excuses and helped to hold me accountable! They introduced me to some new workout programs, they invited me to join challenges (one I even won!), they helped me every step of the way.
I started a new way of eating. I don't like using the word diet. 21-Day Fix changed my life. During those 3 weeks, eating right and exercising 5 times a week, I lost about 10 lbs! Finally, I was seeing progress! It was paying off. I worked through being sick, I worked through pain (responsibility), and I kept pushing.
Then I got really sick. I had tests done and procedures done and was forced onto an extremely strict diet for 32 days. That's where I lost the most (though I don't recommend that method). By now I was down 30 lbs, you read that right 30 pounds! The scale now read 142! Before I dropped the 30 lbs and discovered food allergies I had developed (making me sick) I was on 100 mg of high blood pressure medication a day and lots of other medications. NOW I am only taking 50 mg of high blood pressure medication a day (and it's not because I have high blood pressure anymore). I was having near daily migraines, they're gone, an occasional headache but no more migraines. I have a lot more energy, I can tie my shoes without loosing my breath.
Here is the best "eye dropping" picture I can find to demonstrate the difference one year of hard work makes.
I stopped eating 100% right but ate "ok." I have been able to maintain my weight but not drop anymore. I workout now, consistently, 5-6 times a week. 2017, I'm back on the horse. I've committed myself again to change the way I eat and to stay where I need to be.
The Difference: Why now? Why has it worked now? I contribute it 95% to support! If I were on my own, with nobody to be accountable to, I honestly KNOW I would have failed yet again.
MY WHY: So here it is, my "why." I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be. I still have struggles and there are still days that I want to quit. I am committed to myself. I am committed to making sure I am around to enjoy my son. I'm committed to WANT to get off the couch and do something. I give myself permission to not be perfect. I give myself permission to enjoy a treat occasionally. I give myself permission to skip a workout because I know I'll hit it double hard the next day or I was truly moving enough that day to account for a workout.
Maybe my imperfections are just what YOU need to keep moving forward. Maybe we can keep each other in check.
The Beachbody programs have changed my life! There are so many to choose from and I can always find one to push me or one that suits my mood. There is something for everyone and every time!
So, as I start the year that I will turn 33...I am determined to make it the best year possible, and I want to help you do the same! Follow my blog, I want to try to do daily if not weekly posts. I want to be here for you and be accountable to myself!
Jess Because....Fitness DOES Matter!
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